Do I really have to be in the darkness just to see and believe that You are the Light, shining…having the greatest beauty and splendor?….Glorious! Do I have to close my eyes just to see You’re just around, that You never left me, not even once? Desiring you oh Lord, that I long to feel. Though it’s not just a feeling but an option….. which is so hard to choose… When I thirst, I sought for food, When i hunger, I exhause my soul, play around and let the wind blow me away, like a snapped kite going nowhere until the last thing that I wil do is to sit and look up to the skies above and call Your name, to land somewhere and let my owner seek me where I am. How long have I gone? How much pain my stubborness have inflicted into Your heart? Sorry is so overused, a cliche to my own ear, yet i should say this all over again. I know what i should do and yet I don’t do what I should do, instead, i do what i should not be doing. How shamless I am to call You ”LORD”.. when the master that I serve, the voice that I obey is my own flesh, depraved! How can I, a sinful man, sit on a throne of happiness, wear a crown of dignity, a robe of security, and cape of pride, when you, a King, THE King would carry a tree, far from Your kingdom, with a crown of thorns on Your head, pierced hands almost naked and aweful but ”aweful”…. That you became the lowest of lowest. When will i sought for You? when the earth is shaking and i find nothing to hold on to? Your instructions is so easy to the ears yet so hard and solid to my heart. So heavy that even my hands cannot carry. No one can obey you. impossible. My strenght is not so strong and enough for the things You ask me to do…. Enable me oh God,grant me the willingness, for I am not able and willing…. But behind these thoughts, clouds that cover my sight, fogs that hide the path, there You are! waiting for me to say ”Please take over” With You all things are possibe. In your hands, lies my strength and courage…. How can a love like this exists! My mind cannot grasp! so high i cannot reach! so wide i cannot embrace! Desiring You oh Lord, that I long to feel… Though it’s not just a feeling but an option….. which is so hard to choose.. still I choose it. I know I should!
